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Praise vs Rewards: Building Intrinsic Motivation in Kids

Helping children develop motivation that comes from within—known as intrinsic motivation—can foster lifelong curiosity, resilience, and a love for learning. But as parents, it can be challenging to know when to use praise, rewards, or both to encourage positive behavior. Understanding the difference between praise and rewards and how each impacts motivation can help you nurture your child’s intrinsic desire to do their best.

1. Understanding Praise and Rewards: What’s the Difference?

Praise is verbal acknowledgment of effort, behavior, or accomplishment. It can range from saying “Great job cleaning up!” to more specific feedback, like “I can see how much thought you put into that drawing.”
Rewards are tangible incentives given in response to a behavior or achievement, such as stickers, treats, or screen time. Rewards can be powerful motivators but may create reliance on external validation if used too frequently.

The Key Difference: Praise encourages children to feel proud of their efforts and learn from the experience, fostering a love for the process. Rewards, on the other hand, can make children focus on the outcome and what they’ll gain, which can lead to a dependence on external incentives.

2. Why Intrinsic Motivation Matters

Intrinsic motivation is the drive to engage in activities for the inherent satisfaction and joy they provide, not for external rewards. Kids who are intrinsically motivated tend to enjoy challenges, take ownership of their learning, and persist through difficulties. In contrast, relying heavily on rewards can shift a child’s focus from the experience to what they’ll gain, which may diminish long-term motivation and self-direction.

For example, a child who loves reading because it’s fun and engaging will likely continue reading independently. However, if reading is only encouraged through rewards, like stickers or treats, the child may lose interest when those rewards are no longer offered.

3. Using Praise to Build Intrinsic Motivation

Praise can be an effective tool to cultivate intrinsic motivation when used thoughtfully. Here are some strategies for offering praise in ways that encourage self-driven motivation:

Praise Effort Over Results: Instead of focusing on the outcome, highlight the effort the child put in. For example, say, “You worked so hard on this puzzle,” rather than “You’re so smart!” Praising effort encourages a growth mindset, helping kids see challenges as opportunities to grow.
Be Specific and Genuine: General praise like “Good job” can feel insincere over time. Instead, provide specific feedback that reflects what you noticed: “I saw how patient you were in putting together that model,” or “I loved how you stayed calm when things didn’t go as planned.” This kind of praise helps children understand exactly what behaviors are valued.
Celebrate Progress and Persistence: Acknowledging progress, even small steps, reinforces the value of effort. Comments like “You’re getting better at tying your shoes each time you try!” help kids see that learning is a journey and that growth is something to be proud of.

4. How Rewards Impact Motivation

While rewards can be helpful in the short term, particularly to establish routines or habits, they can create issues when overused or relied on exclusively. Research shows that too much emphasis on rewards can lead to “overjustification” – when children come to expect external rewards, they may lose interest in the activity itself.

For instance, if a child receives a reward every time they practice the piano, they may start to associate practice with the reward rather than with a love for music. Without the reward, they may lose motivation to continue practicing.

Tips for Using Rewards Effectively:

Use Sparingly and Strategically: Save rewards for establishing new habits or milestones, like encouraging a child to complete their chores independently for the first few weeks.
Pair Rewards with Positive Feedback: If you do use a reward, be sure to also provide praise for the effort and dedication that went into achieving it.
Gradually Reduce Rewards: As a habit becomes routine, phase out the rewards and replace them with praise that emphasizes the value of the activity itself.

5. Encouraging Self-Reflection and Pride

An essential part of building intrinsic motivation is helping children develop self-reflection skills. When kids can recognize their own growth and feel proud of their accomplishments, they’re more likely to engage in activities because they want to, not because they expect external rewards.

Ways to Encourage Self-Reflection:

Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage children to think about what they enjoyed or found challenging about an activity. For example, after completing a puzzle, ask, “What was your favorite part of solving this puzzle?”
Highlight Personal Growth: Remind kids of how far they’ve come in their skills or behavior. Statements like “Remember when you found this difficult? Now you’re able to do it so easily!” reinforce the connection between effort and progress.
Encourage Goal-Setting: Help children set small, achievable goals, then celebrate when they reach them. This reinforces the idea that working towards goals can be fulfilling on its own.

6. Striking the Balance Between Praise and Rewards

While both praise and rewards have their place, finding the right balance can maximize intrinsic motivation. Here are some guidelines for striking this balance effectively:

Prioritize Praise, Reserve Rewards: Use praise frequently to build a child’s confidence and love for learning. Save rewards for exceptional efforts or when establishing a new routine.
Focus on Internal Satisfaction: Help children connect with the internal rewards of an activity—feeling proud, learning something new, or having fun—so they naturally want to repeat positive behaviors.
Be Consistent and Patient: Building intrinsic motivation takes time and consistency. By providing sincere praise, encouraging self-reflection, and strategically using rewards, you help children find joy and value in their own achievements.

Final Thoughts

Teaching kids to value effort, persistence, and growth over external rewards helps them become resilient, motivated individuals. By focusing on praise that celebrates their unique qualities and personal progress, and by using rewards thoughtfully, you can nurture a strong, self-driven motivation in your child. With time and practice, they’ll learn that the joy of learning and growing